In the high-stakes game-play of negotiations, there are two silent allies that wield immeasurable power: trust and likability.
Imagine for a few moments a negotiation room where the air is charged with respect, transparency, and a dash of camaraderie. It's a setting where success is not just about getting what you ask for but building enduring relationships that pave the way for future collaborations.
Today, in this text, we seek to reveal invaluable yet ever-so easy secrets hiding up the negotiator's sleeve, where trust and likability reign supreme.
The Role of Trust in Negotiations
The cornerstone of successful negotiations is trust. It's the glue that binds parties together, it’s the essence that binds people to their agreements and the very substance that deems the presence of “good faith”.
Trust transforms adversaries into partners.
In the world of negotiations, trust is hard currency, “coin” that propels discussions beyond mere transactions into the realm of spirited and willing collaboration.
Consider a negotiation scenario where trust is present. The atmosphere is charged with a sense of reliability, where promises are not just uttered but honoured. This foundation of trust facilitates open communication, turning negotiations into a playground rather than a battleground.
Strategies for Building Trust in Negotiations
Now, let's explore some actionable strategies that make trust more than a lofty ideal but a tangible force and phenomenon.
Integrity: Integrity takes centre stage of course, where negotiators justly demonstrate ethical behaviour and fearless transparency. Words said are promises kept, creating a rock-steady record of reliability.
Show respect and appreciation. A simple but effective way to build trust in negotiations is to show respect and appreciation for your counterpart. This means treating them with dignity, courtesy and professionalism, steering clear of insults, offense, threats, or manipulations. It also means recognizing their strengths, contributions, and achievements, and expressing gratitude and recognition.
By showing respect and appreciation, you can show that you value them as a person and as a partner, and that you are willing to cooperate and collaborate.
You can also create a positive and constructive atmosphere, and enhance your rapport and influence.
Seek feedback and improvement. This means asking for your counterpart's opinions, suggestions, and concerns, and listening to them with an open mind. It also means giving constructive and respectful feedback, and offering help and support when needed. By seeking feedback and improvement, you can show that you are humble, flexible, and willing to learn. You can also improve your performance, resolve conflicts, and strengthen your relationship.
Listening. Active listening becomes the bridge that connects parties, fostering understanding and empathy. Negotiators share information judiciously, understanding the delicate balance between transparency and confidentiality. In this tactful tango of trust, every step is deliberate, intent on building straight pathway towards mutually beneficial agreements.
Likability and its Influence in Negotiations
As we shift the spotlight away from trust to likability, picture in your mind’s eye a negotiation room where tensions dissolve like morning mist.
Likability is the unsung hero that shapes the tone of interactions. It's the difference between a rigid standoff and a dynamic exchange where parties genuinely appreciate one another. It’s not uncommon to see opposing litigators meeting at the bar after a tough trial to partake in a well earned drink and meal together.
In negotiations where likability is present, parties are more likely to find common ground effortlessly. A friendly atmosphere that transcends the transactional nature of negotiations is also more likely to emerge and be sustained.
Likability becomes the secret ingredient that influences perceptions and decision-making. Likability fosters an ‘us’ attitude of collaboration rather than an inimical attitude toward ‘them’.
What’s most promising for us all is that likability is not an elusive trait reserved for a gifted few; it's a skill that can be learned and finely honed. Empathy becomes the magic wand for conjuring likability, allowing negotiators to comfortably step into the shoes of the other party. Shared interests and experiences also serve to form sturdy bridges that connect negotiators, creating a robust rapport and ‘battle-forged’ camaraderie.
A positive and respectful demeanour becomes the negotiator's armour, disarming tension and fostering cooperation. Humour and light-heartedness are the special spices that further infuse negotiations with warmth, turning adversaries into collaborators.
Compliments and expressions of appreciation serve as legal tender that fuels positive relationships.
During the furious tempo of negotiations, finding the balance between trust and likability is truly an artform. While trust forms the bedrock of reliable relationships, likability adds the human touch that transforms negotiations into a collaborative endeavour. It must be said that establishing trust and likeability quickly is a must.
As we maneuvre the complexities of negotiations, challenges are inevitable. Trust may waver, likability may be tested, but the mark of a skilled negotiator lies in their ability to overcome these hurdles. Conflict resolution strategies and a commitment to rebuilding trust are the tools that turn challenges into opportunities for growth.
Long-term relationships become the treasure trove for future negotiations.
In this context, parties not only trust and like each other, but they also appreciate the value of sustained collaboration.
Negotiators evolve into architects of enduring partnerships, where success is not scored by individual runs on the board but by the collective achievements forged through trust and likability.
Moving from a transactional to a transformational mindset about negotiation is key.
In your next negotiation, remember that the secrets up your sleeve are not ploys, tricks, tactics or manipulations but the genuine commitment to building trust, fostering likability, and creating relationships that withstand the test of time. Relationships that reward the parties for negotiating in good faith and holding up their end of the hard-won deal.
The negotiator's journey is not just about securing deals; it's about knitting a noble net of connections that transcend transactions, turning negotiations away from contests of will, selfishness and ego but toward high-play.
CAVEAT: Negotiator’s must walk the line of needing to be liked and trust by opponents as well as by their own contingency and stakeholders for turncoats meet terrible fates.
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You may want to also check out the following:
ART:
The Black Godfather (2019) about negotiating titan Clarence Avant
The Defiant Ones (2017) about Dr Dre’s and Jimmy Iovine’s dealmaking prowess
BOOKS:
Getting To Yes (2012)
Negotiating An Agreement Without Giving In
By: Roger Fisher, William Ury
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie:
Focused on interpersonal skills, consensus and relationship-building, Carnegie's book remains a timeless guide for effective communication
Management and leadership Skills.
PODCASTS:
Negotiations Ninja
VIDEO:
Chris Voss: How to Succeed at Hard Conversations
Huberman Lab Podcast on YouTube (2023)
TRAINING/EDUCATION - VIDEO COURSES:
Chris Voss Teaches the Art of Negotiation
MasterClass
The Great Courses Co. and on Wondrium:
A. Influence: Mastering Life's Most Powerful Skill
Kenneth G. Brown, Ph.D. Professor, The University of Iowa
B. The Art of Negotiating the Best Deal
Seth Freeman, J.D. Professor, New York University
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Emanuel Perdis is a trauma-informed Anger Management therapist who administers therapeutic counselling for individuals as well as couples. His key specialties for counselling are Anger, Relationships, Trauma and Anxiety. All therapy is delivered online, via Zoom, and enquiries can be made through https://www.emanuelperdis.com/let-s-talk or on the phone via +61 412 288 081
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